Walls: You In or Out?


 I'm not proud to say that this has been an ongoing issue with me...this "putting up a wall thing". However, I am proud to say that I now recognize this about myself and that's a superb start. 

As I began to dig deeper into myself over the past eight months and become more connected spiritually with God and also the Universe, I began constructing a whole new type of wall; a transparent one! People (friends and family) could see my actions and my day-to-day, but heavily-weighted opinions were no longer being accepted. Afterall, was my journey, my life. 

I began to grow more confident, knowing that my choices in life were solely mine to make. They did not need to be explained to people, or justified. What I was doing was for the betterment of me . . . just  me. I could do this on my own, but if I needed assistance, opinion, or direction, I knew where to turn (those resources have also shifted). And no, that doesn't make me selfish; it just mean that I'm now becoming a stronger version of myself. I'm excited! Those who are newer in my life, well, welcome! You're getting a pretty good version of me. I've got cleaner lines, a sharper mind, a kick-ass determination to do whatever the hell I want. Just wait. Get your popcorn, get your surfboard, or both! 

Back to that "wall"! Why did I need it in the first place? Will it ever come down for some or for all?

Hmm . . .

I've always considered myself intuitive especially when it comes to people who are a good fit in my life. For me, there is no grey area here. You're either a good fit, or your not. You either add flavor, strength, and contentment to my life, or . . . you don't. Anything else is me just giving up my time, but not receiving what I need back. I felt I needed this wall to give myself space and help me set limits on people who have strong opinions, or are self-righteous. These things are harder for me to process and leave me feeling heavy. The "wall" may seem daunting, keeping some out like an inaccessible space, but it isn't really. Walls do come down. 

It's just that I have my personal reasons for setting the boundaries I set. I get to do this. This restriction isn't meant to be hurtful, but it definitely is what I need at this given time. I needed a defined boundary. People need boundaries. Sometimes we all feel like we need a bit of protection. We need to heal. Healing make us stronger, yet healing also makes us a bit different. I'm different than I used to be. 

Am I a better version? I do not know. Actually, I do know. I can state with the utmost confidence that I am a better version of myself today.

Building this wall was hard, but I can see my growth because of it. Almost as if there was a mirror on my side. Oo. 

cdl





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