The Only Key



I only realize how protective I am of it when it gets injured even just a tiny bit.  That is all it takes these days...just a tiny bit.  A tiny bit of questioning, a tiny bit of doubt, lots of denial.  All of these things shut that ole ticker down, almost immediately, and ultimately lock it up.  Feels better this way. definitely safer. I am able to wear a smile. I'm good at that. 

 Questioning
Why did this happen?
Why did it happen again? 
Will it always happen?
Why do I think I am stronger than that?
I am not.

 Doubt
Always lingering.
I'll never find it.
The pain will always remain.
This will be the last time.
I am not worth it.

Denial
It doesn't hurt.
I will be okay.
It doesn't hurt.
That's what they deserve.
It doesn't hurt.

 I would like to think I get stronger from all of this and that there is a lesson to be learned.  But I feel that because I want something so badly, that I willingly accept the bad and the ugly...then I pack up all of my feelings and I lock it up.  I let less and less out each time.  I grow more protective of what is inside.

I have to stop that.  I must unlock and throw away the key. Pretty soon there will be nothing to hide from and nothing to protect my heart from. 
I will grow stronger.
Any day now, please.
Meanwhile, I hold the only key.

 cdl







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