Oyster Pearl

I have people tell me that they look up to me, that they admire my strength, and tenacity. They see me as a risk-taker and often seek out my advice. 

To hear this makes me squirm a little. It baffles me. 

Who ARE THEY looking at?! 

I certainly do not see myself this way at all. 

Sure...I push myself. I make myself do the "scary" stuff that I don't really want to do. Heck, my transformations even shock me sometimes, but I've never seen myself as that strong woman, just as someone who is very different from others. I've never felt like I fit into the norm.

I kinda like it that way. 

I'm typically pretty hard on myself, and recently discovered that I fall into the category of Type A personality. Yup...fit all the qualities of one. Who knew? 

I kinda like this too.

However, one of my biggest struggles is with my self image. But after years of hard work, this slowly is changing. I have become comfortable with my environment and where I live. I have been living in an ocean town the past few years. I am fascinated with the ocean and all aspects of it. I love the smell of it, its sounds, walking the beach throughout the week and touching the water and the wet sand. The ocean defines me. I plan to stay in close proximity of it for the rest of my life! 

It is here that I often see shells just like the one pictured above. I was not surprised recently when the image of an oyster resonated with me: ocean, resilient, hard and ugly on the outside, yet something special, shiny, and unique on the inside. 

I am the oyster.

I have to admit that in the past couple of years, I have seen myself in the image of the oyster shell: rough, discolored, certainly not one of those shells you select as a beach treasure and bring home. My own skin is dry and marked with countless patches of age spots. I never learned how to apply make-up. Even though I love who I am and everything about me, I see myself the opposite of beautiful (the outer shell). I often wish I had the beauty that comes so effortlessly to other women. I know this is wrong and not how I should be seeing myself. So, this is that part that I am trying to change. 

I am slowly seeing my self-worth; slowly growing that pearl inside, for I know that it's buried deep in the center of the hard fortitude of the shell that the ocean sand and waves made to protect it. Maybe, I am simply protecting myself. But from what?

I am at a point in my life where I am rapidly transforming. I will get there. I want people to see my pearl. Hell...I want to see it myself.

I am the oyster. I am the pearl.

cdl